Case files of Officer Doodyhead: The missing husband

An attractive woman in a purple robe, running her hands in anguish through her silky auburn hair stood in a steamy bathroom with a strong, strapping police officer who looked at her with piercing blue eyes.. A crumpled pair of men's briefs lay on the floor next to the toilet: 

Officer Doodyhead, Officer Doodyhead. (She wailed) My husband. My poor, poor husband. He was just right there. Right there, I tell you. I had stepped out of the bathroom for only a minute, and when I came back, he was gone. Just gone.

Officer Doodyhead: Did you flush?

Woman: Well, yes, of course I did.

Officer Doodyhead: Well then, I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m going to have to arrest you.

Woman: B-b-but why?

Officer Doodyhead: Obstruction of justice. But I am truly very sorry about your husband. He might have jumped in. He might have been pushed. He might even have spontaneously combusted. But now we’ll probably never know. The evidence does clearly indicate that something awful happened in here. You have the right to remain silent …

As the two stepped out of the bathroom, the woman, her hands handcuffed behind her back, turned and looked up at Officer Doodyhead with tears in her hazel eyes and said:

But what about the shower, Officer? Shouldn’t someone turn the water off.

Officer Doodyhead, looking only at her wet hair darkening her robe: Not my jurisdiction, ma’am. Did anyone ever tell you that you really are quite an attractive woman?

***

Officer Doodyhead was waiting for her when she got out of prison. The missing husband’s body was never recovered, even though teams of divers had searched for months down where the sewer plant discharged into the river. The quite attractive woman’s water bill was enormous.

She and Officer Doodyhead were eventually married. They lived happily ever after and often took showers together – to save water.

As he ran his hands slowly through her long, wet auburn hair, Officer Doodyhead whispered: 

You can never be too careful, ma’am.